Tales from my last 30 minutes ....and good morning!

I love coffee, any coffee. Except coffee that's really sweet and milky or creamy. I like coffee: Dunkin' Donuts, Starbucks, Trader Joes, Folgers, whatever. With gratitude and anticipation, I enjoy every cup of coffee I drink. Well, until this morning. 

This is a cup of coffee.

After one very confusing sip of coffee this morning, I thought, "This stuff tastes like WATER!" Literally, water, warm, caramel colored water. What the ...

Feeling like I had absolutely no choice in this situation, I was forced to walk back to  the kitchen and empty my cup into the sink."This is crazy!" I thought. "Now, I am going to have to *make* coffee in a coffee pot!?" "But .... *this* is so much harder than using a Keurig. Isn't this why I have a Keurig, so that making coffee can be even easier than the 30 seconds it used to take? For God Sakes, it's Saturday morning, I just woke up. It's 10:45 AM.", I passionately implored to no one in particular.

Option number two.

As I resigned myself to the task at hand, I noticed the culprit, an unused K-cup just sitting there on my counter, staring at me (snob). Regardless, there it was, chilling out next to Keurig."Magic?", I thought. I then realized that I accidentally used the K-cup that was in the machine from the previous use and never used the new K-cup to make my first cup of coffee of the day. Mystery solved. But this is still a lot of work and it's 11:04 AM on a Saturday morning right now!  "Who do these machines think I am? Superwoman!?"

This is the culprit.

The Tiger

As a child, I remember watching The Tiger venture into the water, never the ocean; only the safety and confinement of the pool.

The pool was dirty, cold and unopened. The vinyl lining had caved in and crumbled into the sand and water stirred together for more than 10 years.

The Tiger couldn't swim. Parents from his country scared their young away from the cold sea for their own good. Most young never learned to swim. 

The Tiger would venture into the pool with trepidation and flirtation. He liked it. And, he feared it. He respected the depth that called him.

Looking for home, he followed his emaciated soul into that which was below the crumbled lining. 

Ante Up

I am not putting any money on the line, but I am putting my reputation on the line. Like so many people during this time of year, I am going to challenge myself to be more healthy. Stress reduction is one crucial way I can accomplish this, but, hey, that ain't going to happen - right now anyway. Instead I am going to try to kick-start good eating and exercise habits which will inevitably eliminate stress and this always a good thing.

When do I start? Today? Not necessarily. Tomorrow? Probably not. So, when? January 2 is when I will "officially" start my self-created detox program. The reason I chose January 2 to begin fully embracing "the new way" is that I want to give myself a break until after the holidays are officially over and the celebration continues until after New Year's Day - January 2.

In the meantime, I will embrace elements of the program, but allow myself wiggle room for indulgence. As long as I don't over do it, it is important to eat, drink, and be merry during this time of year when so many of friends and family members are around to join in the conviviality of the season. Laughter and merriment is crucial to good health or at least to my good health.

Another reason I am delaying jumping into the program is that my family and I are just getting over the stomach flu. You do what you gotta do to survive the bug and its aftermath even if it includes eating white toast with butter. Being gentle with ourselves, being gentle with myself is a part of my program or any program worth considering.

The saying "be gentle with yourself" is one that I constantly remind myself, friends and family members. It is so important to remind ourselves that most everything we stress and agonize about now will not register a blip on the map of our lives. The reason I am not *that* nervous about embarking on 'the program' is because I will falter and I will get up. This a part of the process. The key is to get up whether it is that very minute, an hour later, the next day, or a month later. Getting up is success.

Thankfully I have not had to diet much in my lifetime due to good genes more than anything else. After I had my second child and while I was still on maternity leave, I decided to try Weight Watchers and begin Pilates to lose baby weight. It was amazing and I lost all of my baby weight, plus some. A couple of months later, I decided to embark on losing 5 lbs which would bring me to just about where I was before I had kids. Weight Watchers and Pilates worked again. Like others, after accomplishing my goal, I stopped the program. Some of the weight, about 5 - 9 lbs of it came back, and this is where I am now. I want to lose about just under 10 lbs and as importantly I want to approach the loss in a healthy and strategic way. (More about what this means to me later.)

So, why not go back to Weight Watchers and Pilates when it worked so well before? I loved Weight Watchers and would highly recommend it to anyone. I loved Pilates as well and can honestly say it is the only exercise program I have ever actually enjoyed. I would go back to either program in a minute, which brings me to the reason I am not going back on Weight Watches or joining a Pilates studio: money. Each of these programs cost money, money that I do not have right now. So, I am going to try to use resources that are free or are of minimal cost. If my self-directed program does not work, then, I know I can always go back to what has worked in the past.

Stay tuned.

Pine Street

Fleeting it may be
the moment is now
to notice
to embrace
to listen
to believe
to stop
to play

In that space between that which defines the dailiness of our days, I am want to remind myself that this is *it*.

This is the "ever after", the "someday", the "if only".

Time to plant flowers and leave dishes.
Bake bread and ignore laundry.
Build tents out of blankets and make a sleep-over with my family.

The dream exists. It is here between me and you and them and us.

Write now.
Paint now.
Absorb now.

That which we pine for is here.
It will never be perfect.
Weeds will always need tending.
Paint will need to be peeled.
Baby clothes need to be rotated.
Dinner to be made.
Laundry to be folded.

The key, it seems, is to carve out space within our reality and challenge ourselves to enjoy it ...

the bubbling water, the stained, yet, clean t-shirts, the rocks and sand that artfully litter the backyard, and the strewn about DVDs with mismatched cases.

This is what I will yearn for now. 10 years from now, 10 days from now, 10 minutes from now. I yearn now.